Yeah, Sorry Y'all, Its Been A Sec

I want to start this short piece off with an apology for the stream of conscious ramble that is to come. I wasn’t entirely sure how I wanted to start the introduction, but seeing as I feel taken by the muse to write I guess it’s not that important.

After a rare day off where I didn’t have work, family, relationship, or extracurricular obligations I became aware that I was in an interesting spot. After weeks and months on end of serving others and trying to fulfill all my duties to the best of my ability, I realized my internal fire was merely a smoldering bed of dull embers.

This isn’t to say that being a good father, son, boyfriend, manager, or sales professional hasn’t been rewarding or filled me up in some capacity, but to say in trying to be everything for everything else I’ve neglected my own fire.

I’ve begun to feel caged by all the responsibilities I’ve taken on. I’ve taken to sleeping in daily, drinking with coworkers multiple times a week, and turning to fast food for comfort and reprieve from my reality.

This isn’t a blah-blah vulnerability, weakness-is-strength type of message. But more of a public callout of weak lame behavior.

Call me arrogant for the proceeding sentences but I don’t care for sheepish avoidant behavior. I find it unattractive and wholly unmasculine. In the spirit of being good at being a Man (not to be confused with being a ‘Good Man’) I am grateful that today's repose and downtown meanderings gave me the clarity to see my situation objectively. 

I appreciate all of you who have DM’d me privately checking in on me due to my lack of writing in my newsletter. And to you all, I have this to say:

My newsletter isn’t dead, –I just fell off in becoming too consumed with external affairs. I’m excited to get back to writing regularly and expressing my exploration of masculinity, style, and self-development in a new authentic way.

Thank you for everyone hanging in there, and for the newcomers who think they’ve come across another dead substack, you haven’t. I was just lost for a bit,

With Gratitude,

Markel