7 Lessons I’ve Learned From Being a Serial Quitter

My life has been a series of amazing novel ideas with insane potential that fizzle out into nothingness. A plethora of lucrative opportunities that people glued to their phones or office windows only dream of and none of these ever amounted to anything.

And it’s all attributed to one pervasive addiction I’ve held my entire adult life, quitting.

I don’t mean ‘quitting’ in the sense of something no longer serves me so I make the executive decision to move on to bigger and greater things.

Nope.

I mean quitting, like giving up.

I’m a quitter who has often stopped going when the going got tough.

While I am embarrassed to tattle on myself, I figured I would distill all of the lessons and epiphanies I’ve gained from being a chronic quitter.

The following are the 7 lessons I’ve learned from being a serial quitter:

1) Conflating Non-Attachment and Non-Commitment is A Recipe for Disaster

This is for all of my pseudo-intellectual underachievers out there (i.e. me a short while ago). You’re not special or enlightened for not honoring commitments. Somewhere along the way the Eastern ideal of non-attachment, or managing the emotional impact something has on you, has been used as a crutch by many to hide shame, guilt, fear, and stress from performance or circumstance. Whatever you’re going through, you have to get through.

There is power in not allowing desires and emotions to overwhelm you, but when you pretend not to care about your commitment and hide behind a stoic veil, you’re taking 5 steps backward.

2) You Cannot Build Real Confidence If You’re A Quitter

When I walked through downtown San Jose and pondered what I would put in this article, (my writing style is a title first, fleshing out content later) this was the one I sat on the longest.

Avoidance and confidence are intimately connected. The more you avoid, the less confident you are, and vice versa.

Here are two things I am extremely confident in Talking to girls at bars (to my lovely GF, I’m referring to before I met you sweety. Love you) and the Barbell back squat.

Now these may seem a bit out of the blue, but the reason I am so confident is that I do (did) them so much and so often and I didn’t back down. When I was an after-work barfly I talked to girls whether I was nervous, tired, or plastered. I was battle-tested. With the barbell squat, it was the same, I did them multiple times a week. Fasted, tired, sore, injured, or hungover from item number one.

You can never really look yourself in the mirror and be confident in your ability to thrive if you don’t stick it through the tough times, awkward times, and hungover times.

And frankly, you don’t deserve confidence if you don’t.

3) Your Lucky Break Isn’t Coming, You Got It and Already Gave Up On It

This is probably my biggest reason for being a serial quitter, and those who suffer from this usually have the hardest time realizing it. And that's because it always sounds like someone not having faith in us.

Shiny object syndrome. The next big thing, that fantastic thing that will move the needle for you, is not in some new novel idea. It’s not in another book, another podcast episode, another job, or a different department.

It’s in you.

Your biggest opportunity is in being the best version of yourself. When you are constantly jumping ship from thing to thing, you don’t even give yourself a chance to bloom. You’re never anywhere long enough to find out what you are made of.

And right when things get difficult, you quit or leap to the next shiny thing. Stay put, stay focused, or every ‘lucky break’ you get is just a waste.

4) Other People Are Rarely The Problem

You are not some closet super genius or a tortured misunderstood artist. You’re a quitter. You hide behind performance anxiety and hurdles to success with the mental script of “XYZ is out to get me” or “blank organization doesn’t appreciate me.”

You haven’t given yourself enough of a chance for either of these to be true.

Firstly, you have to be consistent and maintain consistency to be unappreciated in the workplace. Secondly, the only mark on your back is the one you keep shooting yourself in because your fragile ego won’t let you accurately assess your life situation to make any viable improvements. You are your problem, and you are your solution. To be satisfied in your work you need to be both proficient and autonomous. Both take time to develop and earn.

5) You’re Not Doing Your *Mental Health* Any Favors by Sparing Your Ego

Realistically you probably aren’t good enough or deserving…yet. Speaking from personal experience, I always find myself on the verge of giving up right then I’m on the brink of good to really good. I find myself gravitating towards “I need a break” “this is causing me too much stress” and “it’s ruining my life” as if I was missing out on some golden balance and I was going to ruin myself if I don’t quit.

It’s even tougher to realize that this is a faulty, misleading script from my inner quitter because I am constantly externally validated via social media or colleagues who also want to share in my temporary misery.

Your mental health will be fine. You are far more resilient than you think. Contrary to what's popular right now, you DO need to push through, you DO need to keep a lid on it, and QUITTING is probably the worst thing you can do in times like this.

6) Women Don’t Like Quitters

Pretty self-explanatory there. You’re not going to keep her around or aroused if you back out of everything you start. Stick to it.

7) Lastly, Don’t be Surprised When You’re Alone

This lesson is heavy. But when you become the least dependable person in your circle, you can’t expect your circle to stick around.

I’ve lost good friends and loved ones who grew tired of offering their support, opinions, ideas, and resources, only for me to start and quit. It’s tiring on those around you when you cannot follow through on the things you said you would.

It is your responsibility to take commitments seriously because those in your circle depend on you. Often those in your support network are on their last dime and give you a nickel. Or they’re running on 3 hours of sleep after a 15-hour workday, and still make time to listen and offer their advice for your new idea or scheme.

Part of being a good friend, brother, husband, and colleague, is being impeccable with your word. Showing up consistently for yourself and others the way you said you would.

Make something of yourself, stick to what you said you would, and follow through.

I know this post is a bit longer than the previous one, but as I’m still fleshing out how I want to go about writing my newsletter I playing around with varying lengths.

I hope you enjoyed this piece, I’m currently going to try to commit to 3 articles a week. Please follow for more!